Insanely feel that I haven’t been with my true self.

Insanely needed my own space to create again.

Really really needed those time to just sit there, dream away.

I needed scrapbook to remind myself on those blessings everyday.

I needed scrapbook to remind me on those things happening around me that is with a cause and effect.

I need my own space!

So, I did. I moved my stuff from a shared space to one that I can be alone, one that I can use back my table that has been my scrap table before.

But one that is filled with other stuff in there, papers, boxes of toys, old cabinet and an antique cupboard that I love which was inherited from my grandpa.

I’m so going to turn this space to one that I love to be.

I’m actually planning to paint it pink! .. oh well.. maybe green will do.

But I’m surely going to make it cosier to be in.

Am glad at least I have spare room to move to.

Fortunately when I move those tables and cabinet I didn’t sprank my hands or legs, as I took my time to move them bits by bits, else I might just need Corflex braces, ha!

Yup, everyday, every moment.. I guess.. in order to have a more meaningful life, a better environment, we need to be motivated.

I love to read Positively Positive, love their tweets, subscribe to them and you’ll get all kinds of motivational quotes and article from them.

The title of this post is due to the incidents that happened lately, read on..

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Have been frustrated by the way my son was being treated, taught and thought that it is wrong to be faster in doing his homework when teacher haven’t taught him yet. But in fact, he should be doing division now and the teacher himself already said that their class is slower and they are suppose to do all exercise on division. When I told my son to finish doing his division exercise, what came to his mind is that he might be scolded by teacher for being fast! How could that be!? I mean how could he has the thought such as this!?

Another concern is that his classmate/group leader might question him why he did that earlier. Another thing that he is concern with is, when teacher is finally ask them to do those exercise, he might not have anything to do and the teacher might question him again.

So, guess what!? I’ve written there on his exercise book this remark: “mom said do this after talking to teacher” and signed it! Nah, enough to prove that and cover him? I hope so.

What I’m really concern is that HE is the one who doesn’t want to do the exercise. ‘cos if this is the case, I really don’t know how to motivate him. I myself sometimes don’t know how to motivate myself other than talking to myself, telling myself on all the blessings that I have. But him, a little boy, how are you going to tell him what to think?

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He even question me why I gave him the name that he is having now, ‘cos he thinks it is too easy to call and that’s why we always ask him to do things first rather than asking the younger brother, such as having shower. Gosh! He was saying how come we call the younger brother by the Chinese name and instead him with the English name. But the names just stuck there!

Okay, I’ll have to start telling him and remind him how much we love him and that’s why we have chosen a special name for him. Everyone’s names are special.

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There are still lot more of times that motivation and assurance needed on my little boy. Not just him really, it include myself. When things are not at the same course with my mind and thoughts, when all things seems so grey, so dull and life is so boring with routine. I needed motivation.

The truth is, I’m still searching for the meaning of life. For that one thing that can really really make me happy. If only one thing that it should be. I guess in my case, it is more than just one, which should make life easier.

Good luck to me!

*end of my rumbling*

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Music, what do I know about music?

Nothing much I would say, except maybe I’ve learnt piano, electronic organ, clarinet and a bit of guitar before. So what do I know about music? I would still say nothing. Compare to those music composer, I’m peanuts. Compare to those singer, I’m nothing, ‘cos I don’t know how to control my voice. Compare to DJ, even worst, I haven’t got a clue on how to control the disc.

Have once know a friend who love to mix music, we even shop for those plastic disc together in the street of Manchester, but still I wasn’t so sure what he was looking for. At that time, I thought of it as an expensive hobby, ‘cos he was that mixture thing. Something like the TC Helicon, but not quite. It is much complicated.

I wonder what happened to his hobby, ‘cos we have lost touch with each other ever since graduation.

Anyway, come back to about music. I’ve even perform in a shopping mall before and I knew that my knees are shacking so hard that I think I’ve missed a beat. I would love to continue but then I’ve been giving myself too many excuses. So, just forget it and maybe concentrate on other things that I love to do for now.

I lost it when I had to be an internal auditor and at the same time there were so many things happened that needed my attention. Mis-place of books, trolleys of books waiting for me to assign location and collection code, work procedures that haven’t really get done, work flow that need to be created for staff, staff target/performance forms that need to be filled and approved, etcetera etcetera.

Couldn’t find it around 9:30am!! That was how early I’ve started to get worried about where I’ve misplace it, where I might have dropped it and even started to stress up just because of loosing my staff card, dammit!

I was telling myself I should have got it hang on my neck instead of just holding it together with my phone. I would have also put into a small bag to carry it around, I should have… ya, I should have hang it on my neck like others and wouldn’t have lost it. But I didn’t!!

Okay, I started to get a bit over and insane a bit on that for thinking too much.

I would normally keep it iside my wallet whereby it still can be read by the detector and let me pass through the gate or doors, but I took it out ‘cos I need to bring it around the office to other levels. Why would I bring along my wallet with me, isn’t it. It would have been worst if I’ve lost of wallet together with the staff card! What more is a well loved green color leather wallet! No way!

So, I’ve been in that worried state the whole day, keep on recalling back where I would have lost it. I’ve even got myself two temporary cards, one for the parking and one for getting into other levels! So ma fan.

Anyway, this stupid card didn’t turn up till the afternoon when it is near off time.

But guess what? It has all the while stay in my drawer where I normally keep my stuff! It has been there! It was just hiding at the wall of the drawer! Darn! How could I have be so blind not to notice it!

Okay, there goes my RM30 safely saved in my wallet, no need the replacement card, and the other two temporary cards, yay for that.

Tomorrow I’m going to hang it on my neck when I’m going to other levels.

Has your car ever got hit by an automatic parking gate? Those that we normally see in shopping mall that provide paid parking space. Have you ever have that experience?

I did! Mine happened in the stupid office parking lot!!! When the gate gone crazy (if ever it has senses), it just open up or lifted up high and anyone can get into the parking lot. Just that the other end might be closed, but still you can get out from the entrance. But never mind.. It so happened that on that particular day, the gate was wide open (lifted), so I just drove in like usual, just that I was driving a bit slower than usual ‘cos I noticed that the flower pot just beside the other end of the gate was very messy with almost all its sand on the floor.

So, the next thing was I heard and felt something hitting my car or my car had hit something. So the immediate reaction was to slam on the brake, in the nick of time knowing that it was caused by the gate and thinking that it should automatically lifted again, I drove past it.

What the heck is that, it didnt’! It fell down again and only after hitting my car twice or three times that it lifted up! Bummer!!!

I felt so upset about that.

Now what!?

I need to repair it myself!?

No way! Somebody is going to pay for that. Definitely!

Feeling so upset, I’ve written a complaint to our admin department and have cc all the big shots.

The result of that?

I had to go over to the car service center, get a quote and show to the supplier for the gate system in order to get my claim to repair and paint my car. The claim is only for that part that got scratched of course. But the thing is, it is so troublesome to have to have my car send to the service center, whereby I need to use it everyday! I’m glad that I can get the claim but still I need arrange my car to stay in the service center for 3 days!! 3 whole days without a car to use!

Now I wonder if my car insurance can pay for that if I didn’t manage to get the claim.

I even wonder if I can turn my car into cash like the Title Loans Orlando where I can refinance my car!

Yes, when emergency call, cash is needed badly, title Loans Orlando could be a really good solution for it, especially when I can get cash out of my car and only pay interest when my loan is outstanding.

Good huh!?

But this loan is only available in the city of Orlando.

As for me, I still haven’t sent my car to the service center yet. Ya, how to do that when I need my car everyday!?

Probably ‘cos they had a late afternoon nap which gave them much energy to stay up this late. Another thing is they kept on waiting for my company and yet I had to take my shower. I had to take shower else I’m afraid I might catch a cold (ya.. old believe which I stick to).

Next is they’ve asked me to tub Vicks on their chest and feet. Yet, they insisted to have the air-con on. What the heck.

My younger boy if he is in good mood, he is way to cute to resist and say no to. When he is lovey-dovey, he’ll come over wanted to have hugs and kisses from me and for me.  BUT! When he is not in his kind of good mood, you better stay away from him. For instance when he wanted to play computer games, he can be so whinny and annoying that I felt like slapping him straight on his face!

No, of course I don’t do that, it just run in my head. Most of the time I’ll try my best to ignore him till he got sick and tired of his own whinny mood and proceed to do something else by his own.

I said he is on his computer game drugs. The kind that had the effect like drugs when he can’t get it, you’ll get watery eyes, running nose and really really bad mood. Especially when he can be so persistence.

I had to limit his game time though I must say most of the time I fail. I fail badly. But I do try my best.

That’s about it on parenting for me tonight.

Coming back to myself. (yay!)

I’ve been in love wearing pantyhose lately. Well, not in love till I wear them everyday, but at least for work. Ya, even black ones, oh.. and I especially love black, ha! Which I normally don’t. I mean I don’t even wear pantyhose. I just go bare.

Lately just not sure what’s wrong with me, I just kind of wanted to try wearing them, especially when knowing that they can keep me warm in the air-con room, plus some even can help the bulging varicose veins.

I’ve found some that only cost RM9.90/pair in Sox World, and also another one which suppose to help on blood circulation for RM32.90/pair. I really hope they’ll work and doesn’t tear easily.

I know.. black is not really the in color now since even Kate Middleton is wearing sheer color pantyhose. Well.. I could even be more adventurous and wear a fishnet pantyhose one day! But definitely not to the office la… I would probably wear it for dinner, ha!

For a person who is not so adventurous, I think I’ll just stop here for now, not wanting to even think of wearing those sexy lingerie bodystockings just yet.

Sometimes I do wonder at my age (40!!), how should I behave? A goody goody parent? A not so adventurous and being in my comfort zone person? But I’m still exploring on lots of things. Sometimes and even imagining myself being hip. Wanted to try out this and that. Trying to take better pictures, have better make-up, better hair-style, better fashion sense. OMG! I’ve so much to learn!!!

Okay, let’s just start with the pantyhose for now.

I am not. At least I don’t think so.

I’m not one that have good vocabulary. I don’t master any language. Not English, not Chinese or Malay. I can be using all three languages when I speak. Even when I think, I could be in any of these languages, even the Hakka dialect.

I admire those who can master their languages. Who can really put down in words on what they hope to bring.

This Christmas I wish for better language skills, better communication skills and a strong believe in what is good, in what bring wealth and happiness.

Our staffs were thinking to have a performance at first and wanted to do something different from whatever that they’ve tried before. However, things are not going their way. They can’t get the video for the past annual dinners where they can view their own performances. It turns out that multimedia staff haven’t got the right software to transfer or convert the recording into CD. I hope this doesn’t affect their cd duplication service that they’ve all the while been doing.

Anyway, it means now that our staff loose a chance in winning a gift for themselves. Hopefully they’ll get picked for the lucky draw.

photo credit: caaneo.ca

Someone in the family actually took out one luggage filled with winter clothing just now. That luggage had been gathering dust underneath the bed. It brought back lots of memories to most of us at home.

Three from our seven siblings has studied in UK before, one has worked in Australia and another one had traveled to other cold countries before. So this luggage of winter clothes has been used over and over again. It has even been into our aunt’s hands when she went for travel.

A luggage that doesn’t been open much but when needed, it comes really handy. Just like those snow chain which probably only needed once a year, but when you needed them, they’ll really be your life saver.

I just wish that my Europe trip which we are planning for 2015 will be a fun-filled one, but hopefully I won’t need those winter clothes, ‘cos we plan to travel light.

Earlier on I’ve heard that friend’s friend just broke up with his girl-friend who already planned for a wedding today. *sad*

But today, I’ve just registered my son into Primary one. I wanted to register him earlier, but due to the lack of document, I had to do it today and today is the last day.

Today also, I’ve seen a Toyota Alphard wedding car! Okay, there must have been a lot of weddings today to remember this special day.

Today I’ve got an sms from hubby using this special day as a trigger to show his love, ha! Bet he copy from some where :p

Today, I’m sure it will be a special day.

Have a happy 11.11.11