I think setting the limit and doing it right on the first place is very important for a child. It tells the child that what is set, is set. What is being said, is said. What consequences came along after that is what already being told. If however the limit is being set, and yet didn’t carry out whatever that has been told, it will just let the child think that what is being set is not final and he/she can over-ruled it by keep on testing on the limit. That is what exactly happened to my sons.
Many times I’ve set the limit and many times it has been over-rule, either by my soft side or by a third party thinking that it is okay to do so. My consequences is simply a child that keep on pushing his limit, keep on testing on those limits.
My rules are not being set properly, another source told me. Before doing anything, such as bringing them out, I’ll have to tell them before-hand what I expect them to do and not to do, and what will happen if they did it. It is always easier to get another person to set the rules for me in another place, such as visiting my sister. She is a better person to do that for my sons and it gave me an excuse saying that if they don’t behave, she won’t want them to be there which they are really afraid of since they love to play with their cousins, and those ‘new’ ideas and toys that they don’t have at home. Even if that is the same thing at home, it is all so different over in other’s home.
I know I’m still learning, still an ‘L’ license mom and today I did just that by setting rules for them and sticking to it. Though I get a sour face or a rebellious look from Calvin, but I know if I continue to do so, I’ll get a more obedient kid. Not 100% but at least I know I’m getting result, and I’m telling him who is the ‘boss’.
One thing I felt I need to do is to be sensitive over his needs, simple needs such as assurance and trust and willing to let him try out things himself but for sure with supervision. At least if he wanted to try, he tried it in front of me, else he would still try it but without me knowing which is more dangerous without the proper supervision.
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I know what you mean. Have faith dear, you are doing it fine.
Thank you Jewelle. I thought of George Micheal’s song “You gotta have faith, faith, faith!”